Ramadhan :)

hi! i'm currently in 4th year of my study. suddenly, i become a senior. when i look at the juniors, i'm thinking ..oh i AM SO OLD!!!

my last posting was cardiology. i don't really like cardiology but i don't know why. the thing is, i was terrified to be in that ward. there are cases like, the patients look healthy and young. but they have heart attack. when i talk to them, they said "i jog 5 times a week....i eat fried food everyday" what??? fried food everyday????? i eat fried food everyday toooo!!! so, i started to have this diet regime. it is simply not to lose weight. i just want to reduce my cholesterol. so i bought 1kg of oat and raisins. i promise myself not to look for the food. it means like, if i'm home, i will never went out to eat. i just eat my oat. at first, on my 3rd day without rice with those fried lauk pauk...i felt like fainting..i didn't have energy. yet, i know my self. it's just psycology!!!mengada2 je nak makan. then, after a week, i feel nothing. i feel normal. one thing that change, i don't have cravings anymore. i don't think like "today, i must find char kuey tiow. i will have nasik tomyam for dinner"..insyaallah..i will be healthier..

i'm not obsess. it's just, i think, if i live long, i want to live happily without taking any medications everyday. it is suffering to get hypertension at 23(years-old), admitted to hospital at 26 due to very bad headache due to hypertension, having heart attack at 35, having heart failure at 50..i hate medications. to patients who have this long term illness, they can't take their favourite food..rendang..satay...tembikai...it's suffering. if i'm taking good care of my health, i watch what i eat, i watch my weight and i exercise regularly...if God still give me those illnessess, i will know that it is a test for me, to see my patience. i'll know that this illness is not my fault and i'll never regret and i'll never blame myself until i die.

this ramadhan, i'm currently in infectious diseases posting. well, this is where people with HIV, TB is.. betul2 menguji iman! in this ramadhan, we must try our best to think positive, never talk bad about people...but..knowing this man cheating on his wife with other man..this man spreading HIV to his wife and she is like, very redha but the man is still tengking2 the wife eventhough HE IS THE CAUSE FOR THIS!!! hey! as a woman, i am furiously angry!!!
to me, there is a large difference between INNOCENT and STUPIDITY. i learn that LOVE alone is not enough to build a relationship. we can't eat LOVE. we need love of course. but we still need money. to get money, people must work. to work people must be hardworking and healthy. other than all of that, we need respect. so..is it very brilliant to marry people who use drugs, who have multiple sexual parners and even treat you like a slave??? many people, women expecially say things like "he will change someday.." from my experiece, there are only 2 things that can change a person
1. he, himself determine to change
2. GOD makes him change
i think, waiting for a person to change is not a smart thing to do...you definitely can't choose your parents but you can choose your life partner and you can change your own life

the next thing i learn is, i am a believer in Islam and I believe in Science. homosexuality is prohibited. there are many diseases associated with homosexual and they are scary..

but, doctors can't pick which patient he wants to treat and which he doesn't want to. doctors must treat them equally with no prejudice. so i think, we just do our job, jgn jaga tepi kain org and let Allah judge them. human naturally org melayu kata "dah terhantuk baru terngadah". they always do things without thinking of the consequences. but when something bad happen to them, alhamdulillah, they repent. and when they repent, they will be the nicest human on earth. more pious then normal people..maybe it is their way to enter heaven. Wallahualam. slamat menyambut ramadhan! slamat berpuasa!!

hit me baby one more time!!

hi! i just bought medicated plaster or famously known as koyok for the first time. my left arm aches badly for almost 4 days! you see, a have a nephew. he is almost 5-month-old now. before my sister(his mother) goes to work, she sends her son to our house. he is adorable. this is like 1st time i'm seriously taking care of a baby. first, when he arrives, i put him to sleep. he usually sleeps for 1 1/2 hours. then, when he wakes up, somebody MUST plays with him OR he will cry. he is very active and he get bored easily. the most important thing about him is, he doesn't want to lay down or sit!! so, SOMEBODY MUST HOLD HIM EVERYTIME HE IS NOT SLEEPING. that means, when i'm baby sitting him, i spend hours standing up while holding him. he is almost 8kg, ya know! during my 1st days i took care of him, my muscles ached, like after exercise when i didn't exercise for a long time. but, day by day, i'm getting used to it. so, i think, i'm getting stronger :)

hold him high and he is very happy


okay, why i'm using koyok now? 4 days ago, he went mengarok, running amok and merengek2, unusual way when he wanted to sleep. he banged his whole body against mine back and forth. i used more energy and power to balance him so that he didn't fall. i usually use left arm to do hard work, like lifting heavy stuff. i use right hand to write..so, after that day, the pain on my left arm doesn't relief a bit..maybe some kind of sprain...i don't know.
so, i learn to be more patient other than changing diapers, playing and bathing a baby. baby sitting is actually fun! plus, he is adorable. my mother and father said, his crying and his torturing-other-people-to-stand-for-hours behavior are exactly like mine when i was a baby. so, my sister and brother-in-law always say, alhamdulillah..he will become a doctor when he grows up!

taking care of a baby is sooo energy consuming and you must have a great stamina! so, this is the 1st time i understand why God makes human sexually reproduced and not asexually like budding in plants..why we must marry before having a baby and why it is not encouraged for grandparents to take care of grandchildren when their children is working..it is all most probably because of STAMINA, i think. we must have at least have 2 persons to take care of a baby, that is a mother and a father to divide physical and psycological works when having a baby. so..i really despise fathers who just got back home from working in the office (hey!they're sitting the whole time in the air-conditioned room!!!) and just straight go in front of the tv watching football and ask his wife "oi!mana air aku?" hey!! his wife takes care of the whole house works and taking care of the baby!! he can at least hold the baby while watching tv!
..and grandparents are old and don't have enough energy to take care of the grandchildren..

that's all for today's hasil bebelan. have a nice day

down down down

hi! how are you? i hope you're doing good :)
hmm...me? i feel a little bit happy. at the same time, emotionally, i feel very tired. it's about my heart. i'm 22 years-old this july and it's the first time that i'm having this feeling.
you see, i have a friend that i love but i don't like. she did many good things to me. that is why i love her. that's why i can't punch her on her face when she hurt my feelings.
i know she can't socialize well. her attitude is unethical (ethic=right or wrong behaviour of a specific culture, society, group or individual), so with and without she realizing her surroundings, she hurts many people feelings. actually, she has a good heart..so..to hate her is impossible for me. she don't know how to control her emotions and her emotions are the extremes. like, she is very very very happy, that shows on every inches in her movements and speech, and those things are annoying to me. like, when she is very happy, she starts to speak cutely like a baby. eventhough i don't like to hear her voice when she is happy, i never said anything to her because i don't want to crush her happiness, which is very rarely happen. she rerely feel happy. she always angry or sad. can you tell me, which mentally healthy human can stand minimum 3 days in a week, a friend with a solemn face, comes in the room with no eye contact and no talking like 'hi!' or whatever and she bangs her stuffs like running amok? well, believe me or not, that mentally healthy person is me. but i have the feeling like she eats, engulf my happiness and daily joy with her dark and unstable aura. she has no normal, in-between feelings( not in a bad mood and not in the good mood either) or what we called biasa-biasa je. takde.
i can stand those amoks but recently, she doesn't even respect me as a human..and she even try to shake my confident. hey, that makes me furious!! so, i start to think, why on earth that i have to stand this person who has an emotion typhoon? she don't even care about what i feel. what she knows only "if something wrong happen to me, i fire my anger and sadness to everyone surrounds me." and another thing, she has a big EGO (can confirm it with everyone who knows her). oh yes, even she knows that she hurts my feeling badly, she never appologized.
so, i'm having this thought to breaking the friendship. but, i cancelled it. i just don't have to see her everyday. i try to forget her but, i can't. she did many, many good things to me. beside her wrong-socializing techniques, she is a good person. so finally, i try to be cool, no yelling, no face- punching, be frank, try not to see her everyday and pray to God to make her understand the world, understand human and understand herself. my parents always say, if people who always sad or angry the whole time, marry is the cure. you know what? i believe this. so, i hope she finds a good husband soon. God bless you. may Allah and a good husband watch your back because i'm out and moving on happily :)

let's try our best to live!

hi! i haven't wrote anything since last year! i became busier, older(mind and body), lazier...but everyday is a new day, yet, it still feel the same..

i know i'm a happy person with a complicated mind (its hard for people to read me, but i read people pretty easily!!)..i hate negative thinking..so, i really dislike to be around negative-thinking people! it's like she has the dark aura that can coat and eat up my happiness!!

let me teach a little bit, the way to think that can lead to happiness!!

of course as a human, we have sadness and difficulties. Allah Maha Adil. He makes people equal. every people have something they good at (eventhough i can't find mine yet), and something they're lacking.so..

1. think that you're a lucky person because you have something that other people don't

2. think that eventhough you're lacking (whatever it is),

a) other people are worse (if it is impossible to change.for example: you are short)

b) you're trying your best to change it (if it is possible to change.for example:grades)

it's no use to be jelous to other people. just throw it away.you'll never be happy.

"it is easy for you to say"...throw these words too. of course it is easier for other people to say if they didn't experience it. "don't judge me because you never experienced it!!"

why don't we just listen to every advice that we received (if the people who giving the advice is trying to help us). why don't we TRY to make the actions as easy as the advice?if we want to wait for the people who has similar problem with us to give us advice,please tell me how long must we wait.

other tip to be happy: whatever good deeds that you've done, don't expect people to thank you, don't expect people will appreciate it and return your kindness. be sincere. do good deeds because of GOD or because you want to. if you are not sincere, this thing might happen:

you saw a very thin dog.so, you gave it food. but, the dog suddenly bit you..what are you doing after that?you kick the dog??please remember that God is just testing your sincerity here..not only you fail the God test, your hand is bleeding, you got a sin from kicking the dog, and you're not happy too...

stop blaming others, stop give excuses for your weakness. put aside your ego. we never NEEDed egos anyways. life is better without it.

A:'you keep babbling about gaining weight,why don't you exercise??"

B:'i can't run.i had an accident before, and injured my knee. i like to go to the gym, but there is no gym here'

A:"there are plenty way of exercise that don't use knee.."

B:'.....'

it is easier to answer like this B:'because i'm lazy'. throw ego= save your energy to talk.

if you're in trouble, don't expect people to help/sympathize you. why?

1. it makes you independent and makes you weak

2.other people have their own world and problems too

3.you will be really sad if no one help you

if you have problems, 1st of all, please remember that you are strong. you always have God with you. if there is a person that is willing to help, just thank God, thank the person and be happy!why do you want to add your misery?you already have a problem, why create another sadness(that nobody helps you)?

conclusions: happiness is mostly the way you think.

bukannya aku nak tunjuk baik.aku x baik pon.at least, i'm trying to be happy everyday.i really hate people who never tried.

i talked to a friend, Farah about ' i dislike being around negative thinking people' thing. and she said " she has problems, ya know. i think you are being selfish". so, at last, i think, i am being selfish here(negatifnye aku..)..it's good to have friends that can speak directly to my face.so, i've decided that i try not to run away from this person who is very negative and try to make her see that life is great, like i did for years..and i'm thinking back, she is improved a lot and happier than she used to compared to the 1st time i met her. furthermore, she is one of the people who is really nice to me and a friend that i tresure a lot.

enough of the babbling. i experienced happiness this year. on 30 january,my older sister gave birth to my 1st nephew!! i really enjoy my days as an aunt. i want to have my own children too! since i'm mentally prepared, and i also have the right BMI to get pregnant..the only thing that stops me that i don't have a husband!!!! anyways, i'm looking foward to be a nanny to my nephew during my semester break!!

my beloved nephew

!