the infamous invincible beast

hi how are you?
i'm quite busy because exam is just around the corner and currently feel like anhedonia.

mm...since i was little, i am surrounded with pretty, gorgeous, talented human beings. i have a pretty mother, demure elder sister, gutsy little sisters that i respect their unique attitude, pretty face, brainy, confident and much talented friends....yeah, i like  my self. but when i look at the picture, it looks like beauties and the beast. like this:

credit to azar nadhirah. sorry i took your pic from fb because i don't have proper pic of u guys :(

i'm not good in posing in front of camera too. when people say..".hey guys, give me a cute pose. " i was thinking "i'm naturally not cute. how on earth to act cute??" besides, smiling is hard too..it makes my cheeks sore by taking too much pictures..

so guys, if i'm not smiling, it doesn't mean that i'm unhappy...sometimes when i'm in a good mood, and singing inside my heart, i still looks like i'm about to chew and swallow a person! if i'm expressionless, doesn't mean that i'm not interested. if i'm talking about my boring life, doesn't mean that i don't care about your life.....it just..i don't know how to start a conversation. i'm very sorry.
 i don't want to hurt feelings. believe me or not, i'm trying everytime  i see a person other than me.

p/s- i got 'C' in social when i was in kindergarten

salah faham

hi..
kali ni nak tujukan kepada semua rakyat Malaysia. oleh tu, kena la guna BAHASA MELAYU..

hari ni nak share sikit pasal salah faham rakyat Malaysia yg x blaja kursus perubatan pasal kesihatan..
1.sakit orang tua ialah kencing manis, darah tinggi dan sakit jantung. normal la tu kalau org tua ada sakit2 tu..

 satu hari, aku interview la sorang nenek ni..

Aku: nenek ada sakit lain selain asma?

nenek: biasa la dh tua ni...sakit org tua ni..

aku: sakit2 lutut ke nek?

nenek:ni ha... darah tinggi, kencing manis...

aku:??

---kencing manis, darah tinggi, sakit jantung BUKAN sakit sbb tua. kebanyakannya sebab cara hidup yg salah, makan makanan x sihat..tapi segelintir ada sebab keturunan..

2. sibuk je doktor2 ni tanya pasal merokok, ambil minuman keras dan sejarah hubungan seksual. nak tuduh aku bukan2 la tu.

dr nak tanya ni sbb nak assess sama ada patient ni fit utk pembedahan ke x, risiko terhadap kesihatan dan punca mana dtgnye penyakit yg dia ada.

contohnye, pesakit datang sakit perut, kencing pedih..salah satu sbb jadi cam tu sbb dia mungkin dapan jangkitan kat salur kencing. salah satu sbb boleh dpt jangkitan tu ialah hubungan seksual yg x sihat contohnye ada multiple sexual partners, kalau patient laki mungkin ada hubungan sejenis ke..

bukan nak tuduh, cuma nak cari punca mana datangnye penyakit ni.lps tu, rawatan akan lebih mujarab.

3.ape tanya2 aku minum arak ke x? saje je doktor ni!!x nampak ke aku ni pakai kopiah?aku ni org semayang tau?!

sebagai sorang doktor, dia x boleh prejudis atau main teka2 sikap seseorang.org pakai kopiah tu mana la tau alhamdulillah baru pakai sebab baru insaf. xsemestinya dia bukan islam dia PASTI minum arak. x semestinya dia islam dia x minum arak..

4. sakit kaki time tua = gout

baru tadi aku jumpa sorang pakcik yg kata dia gout...

pakcik: saya ada gout ni..

aku: iye pakcik? pakcik sakit kat ibu jari ke? (biasanya gout sakit kat ibu jari)

pakcik: tak la..saya sakit kat lutut kanan?

aku: iye pakcik? camne sakitnye tu?

pakcik: dulu time saya tgh berjalan, tiba2 bunyi 'PAP!' yg kuat dari lutut kanan, pastu time tu terus sakit dan bengkak lutut pakcik.

aku: erm...pakcik..rasanya tu bukan gout, tu mana2 ligamen kat lutut pakcik tercabut tu..

pakcik:iye..ni gout!

aku: (lantak anda la pakcik...)abis tu, pakcik ada cek darah?makan ubat?

pakcik: ada..tapi darah kata darah pakcik elok

ingat ye kawan2, gout ni sebab terlebih asid urik dlm badan. jadi, kalau check darah, dr boleh tau ada gout ke x..

5.kita kena bersedia secara mental untuk check kesihatan. klu x tiba2 darah tinggi/ gula tinggi time tu, terkejut, terus melekat darah tinggi dgn kencing manis tu sampai bila2

klu darah tu dah 180/100mmHg, xdpt dinafikan lagi anda memang ada darah tinggi. kalau setakat 145/90 tu kena la check semula mana tau hari tu x cukup tido ke, gaduh dgn bini ke..

klu gula dlm darah 11 time tengah puasa, x makan pape. terimalah kenyataan yg anda sememangnye ada kencing manis..lebih cepat terima kenyataan, lagi cepat makan ubat, lagi lambat dpt komplikasi cam sakit jantung ke, stroke ke..

6. TB tu sakit peparu dimana org tu akan batuk2 kering

betul tu. tapi x semua TB org tu ada batuk kering, x semua TB kat peparu. ada org dpt TB kat kulit la...tulang la...

7.buduh doktor ni!pakcik sakit gastrik, dia tahan pakcik kat spital!dia kata pakcik sakit jantung!

bukan semua sakit perut sebab gastrik..kadang2 badan tertipu yg sakit tu dtg dari perut sedangkan dari  jantung. kedudukan perut dgn jantung tu x jauh, kadang2 badan akan confuse. bila jantung tu sakit, sebahagian dinding jantung akan pecah dan dinding yg pecah tu akan keluarkan enzyme2 ke dalam darah. elektrik (ECG) yg buat jantung tu pam darah pon akan berubah. klu dpt kesan enzyme tu dlm darah, ECG berubah, sah la dia sakit jantung.kes macam ni banyk kat wad..

setakat ni je yg ingat.sebenarnye banyak lagi. harap korang dpt ilmu baca benda ni :)

jagalah kesihatan anda! 

beauty,health and happiness

okay, we all love beautiful things but beautiful itself is very subjective and different from one to another. when i see a person, it is important to see the body first, not the face, because i always thought that it is nothing special with a pretty face because he/ she was born with it. but a fit body is hard to maintain!

ah..i always wanted a body like jillian here. when my friends know about this (both female and male friends), they said "please don't. it is not pretty!". hey i like an almost fat-less body! i like the body of a trainer and a dancer! but i don't like stick-like body like a runway model or typical korean/japan female singer. worst, if she looks like a walking skeleton with no muscles, BUT i can still see flabby arms when she is waving her hands (=fat accumulation).

i, myself don't have that beautiful body. so, it is important to improve or maintain the body (before it become overweight=unhealthy=diseased=impaired quality of life=unhappy)

i used to have muscle-less and fat-less lamp pole body(my mother and sisters always said that i have similarity with a lamp pole shape wise). since i was in primary school, i always eat a lot (like i can eat 3 bowls of rice but i still didn't feel full.)but i didn't gain weight. so, i started exercising and it caused me a great weight gain, and i was happy. then i stopped all the sports for 2 years ( 13 and 14-years-old) and i lost 3 kg despite of the same amount of food that i eat. so, i started exercising again and maintain it until today. the problem is, as i get older, i gain a lot of fat! sadly, due to a busier life, i only can find time to exercise 3 times a week, i hour for each session. i manage to maintain my muscles(eventhough they are smaller than majority of human race), but it is very hard to burn these fat!!! so i try a healthy diet, reduce and substitute a LOT of unhealthy favourite food. since i love to eat very much and i'm always hungry, it is very hard for me to reduce my portion size and stop eating those unhealthy things that i love.

these are the things that i do:

1. dinner is always oat with milk or salad. wonderful meal (fried stuffs, junkfoods) can only be consumed if a friend invite me to dinner( at most once a week) or if i have dinner with my family.
2. dinner before 9pm
3. beef only for once for 2 week. most of people likes chicken or seafood for protein. but i love beef. A LOT! at home, people eats potato chips in front of tv, but i eats a plate full of daging masak kicap in front of tv.so, must cut down beef radically because of the high cholesterol content.
4. substitute kuey tiow with mihun (vermicelli). hey,i love kuey tiow but it has high fat content.
5. if i have no class and don't go out, don't go out and buy foods.so, usually i eat muesli with milk for breakfast, mihun/salad/sandwitch for lunch and salad/oat for dinner for weekends.
6. DON'T EVER EVER drink sweet drinks (no milo, no limau nipis ais,no teh ais, no sirap...etc..ets..)unless if it's a treat from someone. unused sugar in the body will become stored fat inside the body. in Dr Oz's show, he asked some people to cut all of the canned drinks for a month without add on exercise or dieting. those people loss pounds of weight!
7. lunch is the happiest meal for me. so i eat a big portion of whatever that i want!

then, i realize that my body shape is improving (it looks that i have less of those flabby fat). BUT!! there was no improvement of the thighs. lemak degil betul!! these 2 weeks, i've started surgery posting that need me to be inside the ward and i am walking and standing for hours. guess what? the thighs look fitter, smaller and healthier!

so kids, what is the purpose of fit body with these exercise and healthy food (ummm...not so healthy food for me)?

1. health. it is very important to have a healthy body to enjoy life. what do you choose? a.eating fast food everyday and by the age of 30, you have a heart attack and you have to take medicine everyday and can't afford to eat another fast food because you have a small baby and you don't want to get another heart attack and die, leaving your poor baby and you drool everytime you see people eating fast food happily OR b.eating fast food once a month, other than that once a month, you eat a healthy diet and you can still eat fast food that you love once a month for 60 years. it's your choice.
2. happiness. if you say "i'm happy with my body(that is obese), and i'm enjoying my food and live happily.so what??!".well, this is temporary. i've been spending 2 years in the hospital. i see patients that already develop complications of diabetes, high blood pressure and all other diseases due to unhealthy lifestyle and obesity everyday and  ALL of the patients' faces don't look that happy

for my personal opinion, it is easier to get whatever clothes that you want if you have a normal body weight. believe me,it is a very happy thing to have a dress that you like that fit you.

the things that you always hear like "it's okay to be fat as long as you are healthy" is a lie because fat ≠healthy because it will increase blood pressure, increase risk for diabetes, increase risk for cancer and other diseases.

if you want to say that Allah owns our lives and He can takes them whenever He likes, and healthy people also die early due to an accident; as your excuse for your no-need-to-take-care-of-my-health policy, how do you know that whether you have a long or short life? do you want to live a long life but you are staying on the bed for 24 hours because you have stroke?

one of the people that is closest to me said (she is obese), "its okay if i just die early (due to disease related complications).i don't be a burden to other people." i said "no, you DEFINITELY WILL be a burden. who do you think will pay for ambulance?who will pay for hospital bills?who will pay for kain kapan?when people want to send you to your grave,don't their body ache when they lift you(because of the weight)?". then she was quiet. it sounds very very harsh but i've tried talking nicely to her about her weight because i'm very concern. in the end, she still ignores it.

so, people please watch your body well. don't just watch it.do something about it.there is no short cut for a healthy body. badan ni harta Allah, hanyalah pinjaman dan perlulah kita jaga betul2 kerana allah. if you can spend hours watching korean dramas or foot ball match, why don't you cut a bit your time to exercise?

many people is very dependent to do exercise (my female friends especially). they said that they don't exercise because nobody wants or INVITE them to exercise. so ask yourself: do your friend's foot get amputated because of YOU have uncontrolled diabetes?

p/s- health screening (to check for blood sugar, cholesterol, fat..etc) should be done once a year starting at age 18 years-old, if you don't have any chronic illness.

it's been a while..

i didn't write for so long.....then, one of my friends said "hey, i read your blog"...then, i was thinking... "oh! actually i have a blog!" i said to her "really???i thought people wouldn't read it".....she said "then, WHY DO YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG???" ????? I just remain quiet...i forgot the reason..after days by days, i remember!

i wrote diaries when i was younger. i like to read my diaries after i didn't look at them for months. it was usually incredibly funny! one day, when i read one of my diary, i wrote : today when i was taking a bath, my head was accidently knocked on a tap..my head was hurting badly....

suddenly, i saw handwriting, that was not mine wrote: hahahaha...padan muke!tu la kau! byk dosa... i recognised the handwriting....it was my elder sister's!!!!!

so, after that i still continued writing in my diary... but..WITH FEAR!!!! i don't have a freedom to write again!

my parents, sisters and brothers are never netizens and i'm not a famous person to my friends...i'm not friendly...so, i feel safe writing here. i'm thinking, at least, maybe if there is a person who read this, she is not close to me, so i'm free of any embarrassment.

my life is fun.i'm good in make-myself-looked-dumb

Ramadhan :)

hi! i'm currently in 4th year of my study. suddenly, i become a senior. when i look at the juniors, i'm thinking ..oh i AM SO OLD!!!

my last posting was cardiology. i don't really like cardiology but i don't know why. the thing is, i was terrified to be in that ward. there are cases like, the patients look healthy and young. but they have heart attack. when i talk to them, they said "i jog 5 times a week....i eat fried food everyday" what??? fried food everyday????? i eat fried food everyday toooo!!! so, i started to have this diet regime. it is simply not to lose weight. i just want to reduce my cholesterol. so i bought 1kg of oat and raisins. i promise myself not to look for the food. it means like, if i'm home, i will never went out to eat. i just eat my oat. at first, on my 3rd day without rice with those fried lauk pauk...i felt like fainting..i didn't have energy. yet, i know my self. it's just psycology!!!mengada2 je nak makan. then, after a week, i feel nothing. i feel normal. one thing that change, i don't have cravings anymore. i don't think like "today, i must find char kuey tiow. i will have nasik tomyam for dinner"..insyaallah..i will be healthier..

i'm not obsess. it's just, i think, if i live long, i want to live happily without taking any medications everyday. it is suffering to get hypertension at 23(years-old), admitted to hospital at 26 due to very bad headache due to hypertension, having heart attack at 35, having heart failure at 50..i hate medications. to patients who have this long term illness, they can't take their favourite food..rendang..satay...tembikai...it's suffering. if i'm taking good care of my health, i watch what i eat, i watch my weight and i exercise regularly...if God still give me those illnessess, i will know that it is a test for me, to see my patience. i'll know that this illness is not my fault and i'll never regret and i'll never blame myself until i die.

this ramadhan, i'm currently in infectious diseases posting. well, this is where people with HIV, TB is.. betul2 menguji iman! in this ramadhan, we must try our best to think positive, never talk bad about people...but..knowing this man cheating on his wife with other man..this man spreading HIV to his wife and she is like, very redha but the man is still tengking2 the wife eventhough HE IS THE CAUSE FOR THIS!!! hey! as a woman, i am furiously angry!!!
to me, there is a large difference between INNOCENT and STUPIDITY. i learn that LOVE alone is not enough to build a relationship. we can't eat LOVE. we need love of course. but we still need money. to get money, people must work. to work people must be hardworking and healthy. other than all of that, we need respect. so..is it very brilliant to marry people who use drugs, who have multiple sexual parners and even treat you like a slave??? many people, women expecially say things like "he will change someday.." from my experiece, there are only 2 things that can change a person
1. he, himself determine to change
2. GOD makes him change
i think, waiting for a person to change is not a smart thing to do...you definitely can't choose your parents but you can choose your life partner and you can change your own life

the next thing i learn is, i am a believer in Islam and I believe in Science. homosexuality is prohibited. there are many diseases associated with homosexual and they are scary..

but, doctors can't pick which patient he wants to treat and which he doesn't want to. doctors must treat them equally with no prejudice. so i think, we just do our job, jgn jaga tepi kain org and let Allah judge them. human naturally org melayu kata "dah terhantuk baru terngadah". they always do things without thinking of the consequences. but when something bad happen to them, alhamdulillah, they repent. and when they repent, they will be the nicest human on earth. more pious then normal people..maybe it is their way to enter heaven. Wallahualam. slamat menyambut ramadhan! slamat berpuasa!!

hit me baby one more time!!

hi! i just bought medicated plaster or famously known as koyok for the first time. my left arm aches badly for almost 4 days! you see, a have a nephew. he is almost 5-month-old now. before my sister(his mother) goes to work, she sends her son to our house. he is adorable. this is like 1st time i'm seriously taking care of a baby. first, when he arrives, i put him to sleep. he usually sleeps for 1 1/2 hours. then, when he wakes up, somebody MUST plays with him OR he will cry. he is very active and he get bored easily. the most important thing about him is, he doesn't want to lay down or sit!! so, SOMEBODY MUST HOLD HIM EVERYTIME HE IS NOT SLEEPING. that means, when i'm baby sitting him, i spend hours standing up while holding him. he is almost 8kg, ya know! during my 1st days i took care of him, my muscles ached, like after exercise when i didn't exercise for a long time. but, day by day, i'm getting used to it. so, i think, i'm getting stronger :)

hold him high and he is very happy


okay, why i'm using koyok now? 4 days ago, he went mengarok, running amok and merengek2, unusual way when he wanted to sleep. he banged his whole body against mine back and forth. i used more energy and power to balance him so that he didn't fall. i usually use left arm to do hard work, like lifting heavy stuff. i use right hand to write..so, after that day, the pain on my left arm doesn't relief a bit..maybe some kind of sprain...i don't know.
so, i learn to be more patient other than changing diapers, playing and bathing a baby. baby sitting is actually fun! plus, he is adorable. my mother and father said, his crying and his torturing-other-people-to-stand-for-hours behavior are exactly like mine when i was a baby. so, my sister and brother-in-law always say, alhamdulillah..he will become a doctor when he grows up!

taking care of a baby is sooo energy consuming and you must have a great stamina! so, this is the 1st time i understand why God makes human sexually reproduced and not asexually like budding in plants..why we must marry before having a baby and why it is not encouraged for grandparents to take care of grandchildren when their children is working..it is all most probably because of STAMINA, i think. we must have at least have 2 persons to take care of a baby, that is a mother and a father to divide physical and psycological works when having a baby. so..i really despise fathers who just got back home from working in the office (hey!they're sitting the whole time in the air-conditioned room!!!) and just straight go in front of the tv watching football and ask his wife "oi!mana air aku?" hey!! his wife takes care of the whole house works and taking care of the baby!! he can at least hold the baby while watching tv!
..and grandparents are old and don't have enough energy to take care of the grandchildren..

that's all for today's hasil bebelan. have a nice day