I'm alive

Hi! I't's me again..I'm alive.I'm surviving living in this world!
I'm such a lazy people that's always wanting to do more than I can cope during this busy life. i have an exam to attend(but I don't think that I'm prepared), I have a sister who will be getting married about less than a month(eventhough I'm not helping much, I just kind of getting the telepathy about how busy and anxious everybody in my family), I'm feeling down because people treating me like a glass(new proverb created by me: LIKE A GLASS-meaning:people know that you're exist but they just see through you;it doesn't matter you're there or not. You're just invincible and transparent. But at the same time, you're fragile.You get hurt easily. But when people break you, you'll puncture their skin!!)
I'm a glass- that's what I was feeling lately. For people like me, I'm thankful because I have friends that pull me up when I fell and hit the ground.

Let's talk about something else,shall we?Happy things..
My sister is getting married to one of the almost extinct good men ; the man that is not smoking, pay for the wedding, good to the sisters-in-law-to-be..he's funny too!
I'm not really sure that I will be getting married one day because
1. I don't act like a female
2. It's hard for me to follow orders (husband's orders-why are you ordering me around???!!)
3. I hate husbands who just sit and watch football, but the wife is almost died from tiredness doing house works-padahal laki bini keje sama2!!!(There's no such thing as keje laki/pompuan!!!)
But,surprisingly, I love to have my own kids!! I even thought my kid's name since I was 14!!! If I will be married someday, I hope that my husband is more friend-like, not a boss-like(typical asian husbands)

When my cat, Beauty died, I started to appreciate people around me more. When my one and only grandfather passed away last month, I want to spend more time with my family and do good to them. Instead of travelling, I better to learn how to make baju kurung from my grandmother and cooking my favourite food with my mother. Compared to travelling, I love my family more. Like I said before, I'm a glass. I need them. They are the supporters of my life. Every person in this world will die someday. Before that happens, I think, I'm going to spend my precious time and create unforgettable memory with them :)
I'm really missing my grandfather. Sometimes, seeing old man with really short white hairs makes me think of my grandfather. Seeing Prof Ghassan also makes me thinking of him :) My grandfather LOVED his grandchildren. When I was little, his face was shining like the sun when he saw me. He gave a big smile, then, he would pat my head, pinched and kissed my cheek and gave me teddy bear. He was the only person who had give me teddy bear. Sadly, I gave up the teddy bear long time ago because my mother said that I'm too old for teddy bears. Never mind, his memory is playing over and over again in my head like a good movie.

That's all for now. Got to read Gupa's meningioma note.

Headache!

Headache??It's something that rarely occur to me..But lately...i have a feeling that i have a headache when I have to study statistic.It is not an actual headache..it's just a feeling of "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!"..It's a weird..weird feeling.
Right now, I'm attending a class in the computer lab..I don't understand a thing!! I know this is not the lecturer's problem..Then, I'm asking myself.."am I stupid?" then,part of me say "definitely not!". Then, I remember that I had experienced this thing before: That was when I was studying additional mathematics and taekwondo before. I know that I have no talents-what so-ever..but I'm good at not giving up.So, I have decided that I will try and try(eventhough each time i do really bad I feel down and down..but i never crash!) even if I'm really pathetic at those things!

oh yes!one thing that I somehow feel stupid is this blog! I have a blog..but I thing it's very ugly(because I'm very bad in computer stuffs) and I feel ashame to show it to other !So,the total number of people know about my blog is less than 5! yeah,I am pathetic..

LAST WEEK, I and Adia had a 5 days agreement of kesopanan. Since we are aware that we are really rough in our movements,words and MY clothes..we had challenged ourselves:
1.NOT TO USE ANY CURSING WORDS(not even "stupid")
2.WEAR BAJU KURUNG FOR 5DAYS(this was a big problem for me!)
3.JANGAN MENGELUH(the hardest part ever)
Lately, I found out that mengeluh is not good!sssssso...I try to reduce it!

I am waiting eagerly for the midsem and Chinese New Year break..I'm missing my family and I hope that I can spend more time with them! :)

Hello 2010!!

HI there! I'm always hoping that everybody's life is great! Sometimes, when I see people laugh freely (not the evil laugh and not the cover-cover laugh when people with opposite sex is around!) really make me happy..(eventhough i don't know that person)...Farhain and Haidir really fall in that category of laugh!

(Did you know?: Dr Muhd said, Farhain means happy-happy...it's double the happiness!! I might consider this name if I have a daughter)

This year, I'm trying my best to be thankful to what I have instead of wanting something that I don't have(like Nink Vujicic said)....For examples..I am really jealous to other girls because they are girlish .sob...eventhough I AM A GIRL!! I'm not girlish and I can't figure out why. In medicine..when we can't figure out the reason, we'll call it 'IDIOPATHIC'....when the cause of the disease is idiopathic, the prognosis or outcome is poor because we can't treat the underlying disease..This situation is 100% similar to mine.

Examples: Girls do crazy( I mean really really really crazy) for something..but I never had that craziness!!

-Like...my bestfriend would go and search for Glay, Nicholas Tse CD, posters, bookmark...and many more(lately,she's into Zaquan Adha....am I spelling the name right?)

-I heard one of my friend bought a new handphone simply because the models of the handphone model is her favourite Korean group....

I REALLY DO WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT!! To me, it makes a girl's life more colourful. Oh I forgot! My colours are dull colours :like blue, brown, grey,green..(I love them)

so, now I want to stop the feeling of wanting more..because it will only make me sad(a little).

Instead, I want to hang out with new friends. Doing whatever things that come to my mind. Loving myself, friends and family more!

I love car boot sale! Eventhough that day was extremely hot and I had a sore throat(I hate sore throat!) kena pegi jugak sbb keluarga aku kirim baaaanyaaak barang!

This goat is really cute!- watching at the camera when I wanted to take pictures!

Shopping with some new friends :)

Let's talk about something else, shall we? At last,the ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY OF MY SISTER went well! Eventhough I'm tired, it's somehow a happy day. I was happy that my sister trust my make up skill when she asked me to help her make up(I'm not a pro so, my cousin also helped). x sia2 aku punye masa berminit habis depan cermin sblm keluar! So, congratulations Kakak! I hope that you're happy with Fahmi. Kalau x............*@%$>&^!

I was really happy that many of her friends came from all over Malaysia to see her. I do hope that when my time comes, my friends will do the same :)

I think..it's hard to be a Malay because we have engagement ceremony and it is complicated. We must have tepak sirih, sireh junjung( I really think we don't need it because we just don't eat sirih like old days)...and must satisfy both family members...it's not easy. I don't hate the traditions though(because it makes us different)..but the most difficult part,it is MONEY consuming!!! Oh I wish to have western-like engagement like "will you marry me" for all of the sudden, and "I,do", and have the ring and "WE'RE ENGAGE!!!" as simple as that!

Uh!Uh! My bestfriend, Fatin also came :) It's a heart-breaking not to be able to go out with her for soooo long and I think, I've started to develop a jealous feeling toward her boyfriend because of that! Sabar..sabar...just don't think about things that I dont have..Just thankful that I was able to see her this time :)

SO EVERYBODY...START YOUR DAY/YEAR WITH HAPPY THINGS, HAPPY THOUGHTS AND HAPPY FACE!!!

trying my best to free myself from the cave world!

I have received my fate to be a medical student. So I think,my youth time will be more more shorter. Everyday I try to please myself and try to do something new like having a Facebook, buying new beautiful handphone(before this,people used to make fun of my old handphone) ...and now, I'm making my own blog! Before this, I'm such a person like ' I can live without handphone and internet and having facebook or friendster will distract me' -just like a caveman(but I still think the same)..Then I realised,...when would I start to have all this kind of things? 30 years-old?40?50? If life goes the way I wanted, I will be very very busy when I'm getting older.

Then I realised that I'm spending lesser time with my family..I realised that my mother always text me or call me first because I'm always busy. I don't think this is acceptable. So, I've decided to call my family members at least once a week.

To me, the hardest part in my life are showing my true emotions and socializing (talking and stuff)-not good for ece. I know that I have less friends than an average people do. I do love my friends and family even if I'm not showing it. So,they always missinterpret me(sape suruh!)eventhough we didn't mean to do it,our actions count. So, I would like to appologize to all my friends because I didn't seem like keeping in touch with everyone(walau korang sentiasa diingati). Aku tau aku ni menjengkelkan..dah la nampak cam sombong..lg hilang tanpa khabar berita...memang cam org sombong pon! So, now that I have my Facebook,at least I want to show everybody that I like us to be friends forever.

To my one and only bestfriend, aku tau aku ni menjengkelkan(lg skali aku cakap), menyakitkan hati, when I don't see you for a long time, I got excited and talk much until sometimes, aku potong bila ko nak bercakap. Talking to you really make my day..so, please don't disown me(sesuai ke guna perkataan disown?aah..tibai je lah)..I'm really sorry..If sorry is not enough, nanti aku belanje ye..cakap je ko nak ape!

bye bye my caveman life!

tada!!!transforming...!